woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
