i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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