are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
