My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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