U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
