I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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