I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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