Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
