life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
