Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
