i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
