i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I pour the whiskey from now on
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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