I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
