Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
