I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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