We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
