she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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