Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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