you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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