yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
