She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
