I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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