If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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