im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
