the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
