Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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