It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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