Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
