Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm always down for nudity.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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