i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize