dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
