I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
