Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
