Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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