Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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