i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
