i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
