Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
