hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
