the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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