I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
