My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
