a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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