She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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