Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
All the doctor said was why
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
