you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
