your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
