Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
