At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
