look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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