I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize