So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
