I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
