once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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