I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
