I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
