We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pooping to opera.
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