It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
