Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
