i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
someone owes me an orgasm
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What a dumb baby whore.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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