He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
