Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
