How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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