Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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