I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
