youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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