and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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