i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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