I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
