I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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