Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
sex in a hospital.. check
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
