I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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