it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
