Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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