fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
