Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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