Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize